i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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