you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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