Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm always down for nudity.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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