My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
