i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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