so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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