Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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