Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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