Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
