yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
