physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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