I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
