just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize