apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
