so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
COCAINE IS GR8
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
