We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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