So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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