my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
