My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
