I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
