Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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