i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
