here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
