Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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