i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize