ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
