T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
