maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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