1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Mom said you looked used
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
