Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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