There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
