I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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