He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
