For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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