I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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