I seem to have left my pride at pride
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
