My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
