"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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