well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
