don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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