I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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