I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize