it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
