Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
