I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
