Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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