I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
