I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
