I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
