Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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