Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
