In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
