The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
