also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
