how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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