New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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