So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
foreskin is a definite game changer
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
