If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
