I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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