Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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