Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
