Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
