So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
