I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
