I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
