Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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