i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
