i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
