Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
