I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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