ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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