I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
