I'm passing your future prison.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
