I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
