rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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