Don't you send me to vm
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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