Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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