he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
