I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
