saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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