She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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