So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize
