Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just had sex on a roof
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize