Ketchup is God's man juice
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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