I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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