There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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