I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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