I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
