Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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