He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
