1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
