tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
