you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
