Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
