I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
