Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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