This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
