i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
