was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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