the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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